When I Quench My Hunger

As early as Grade Four, my spirit started to search for the best sect where I can see the image of Jesus.

If you will let me define a best sect, it is a place where in your spirit will smile upon going out while unity and peace is within everyone.

This dilemma was started when I broaden the perspective of my spiritual being and when I started to starve for Jesus.

In my childhood days I was an active member of a certain CHURCH, I used to attend there Sunday school and participate in its customary activities but when my uncle married someone from other sect and she invited me to join them one Sunday, I experienced something better as if a gate was opened to me, but my family believes in the former, I went back the next Sunday to the old rituals, it’s good during that Sunday when my mom sent me to the church for my Sunday School she saw scenes which should not be blurted inside the holy place.

And, that started my journey of meeting who really is Jesus. I stayed in my Auntie’s Sect until fourth year high school but when she went abroad I have to stop going there for reasons I cannot remember but the leaders never gave up on me in fact they are the one who delivered the last service for my favorite uncle’s wake year 2004.

 After high school when college killed my times and sleep was already hard to achieved, I woke up so late during Sundays the reason that I and my best friend goes to another church every afternoon. And to be candid, I feel more pleasured with their gospels compared to the CHURCH (our family go). I even became an active member of our college organization representing that church.

Not to mention I tried joining most of my friends religious sect just so that I can fulfill my spiritual needs.

When I graduated in college I immediately landed in a job at a Christian School and here I finally met Jesus, I always relieve with His words every Friday in our bible studies, I learned to read the Bible and use it in my daily life, my spirit was lifted high, the prayers are so powerful, the devotions really knocks my heart. Then I resigned for personal purposes. The blast meet-up with Jesus has reduced.

I learned to accept my former CHURCH, I went back, I gave a chance wherein I know that if ever I won’t hear good news I can have my daily devotion to communicate with Jesus every day. I joined their activities through the influenced of my friends, I saw the loop holes in its organization particularly the Youth, however I shared my time to them realizing that loop holes are just normal in any other sect, it’s the spices to make it better. I helped in as much as I can, I shared the things I know, I worked with them and befriend with them. Thinking from my heart that this might be God’s calling to me, to stay in a church where He know I can do something, a reason why with the long travel that I had I keep on going back. I opened my life to them and showed my best that at least I can improve something, at first, everything was fine until every time that I spent my days with them I can see the scenes that flashes back from my memories, scenes that a church should not have, scenes which became reasons why it made me uninterested to attend Sunday mass, and each day I envy other churches from other places. What’s wrong with us? Why can’t we be like our brothers and sisters form other places? May I enumerate some of the scenes which kills my humanity and morality as a member of this church:

1.      Holy Place particularly the convent became unholy because it is used as a place for drinking sessions. Isn’t it Jesus got mad when he saw that Jerusalem was being abused by people?

2.      Gospels are not read properly and sermons cannot understand by church goers(some priest cannot deliver their sermons well). Isn’t it that sermons and the gospel should be the clearest and the most spiritual part of the mass? How about giving notices or thanking sponsors as part of the sermon is it good?

3.      Some church workers cannot move without money, where is the spirit of sharing and helping?

4.      Some leaders are selfish. Yes I am not afraid in this 4^th statement they really are, they just think of the things that could make their personal goals better. How could a church improve if the simple call is not being faced or addressed well? They are inactive to their obligations.

I foreseen a lot of projects for this CHURCH but few are supportive, how can I alone do this things, I am a member not the organization, an organization needs hand in hand support to make its goal happen, support not only from fellow members but from the higher bodies. How can I continue sharing things I know if nobody is interested anymore? My willingness to help is already diminished. How can I help my fellow youth who are thirsty too of good ways from our church if these “some” are so self centered?(bato bato sa langit ang tamaan mabubukolan!)

I stand to be corrected with the issues I presented. I just shout my silence that I am no longer happy with the paradox I am witnessing.

With the things mentioned above there are many questions running in my mind, am I not fully in love yet with my church? Or am I disrespecting them? Maybe, I was too closed to them that they shown their real attitudes but they should act accordingly and try to at least respect and give justice to the orders of the place where they are getting there means of living. For that, I’m sorry but my goal is to be involved in a better sect I accept the fact that all leaders and servers are just human and can commit mistakes but I believed also, that too many mistakes can become sin, and too many sin will eventually become norms.

As of now, I am still with them hoping and praying that the future generation will not continue the bad legacy they are witnessing instead they will improve and do much better than what is happening right now.

With this long journey I understand that it’s not with the church, it’s in the belief and the attitude of the person, I realized that as early as my pre-natal days I already met Jesus, whatever church l belong right now, it may not make me happy Jesus is within me and my journey towards finding the right place of worship still continues as I grow old.

For those who will be able to read this who are related to the things I mentioned I’m sorry writing is my avenue to pour out my heartaches. I hope this can open your hearts as well!

For now, I will remain to be a Sunday mass worshiper, I will not involved myself anymore in any youth activities for me to avoid witnessing this ills of my church.

May God be with you all!

I made this Sunday, Oct 17 2:46a.m. and thought of publishing it this January 2011.

Thinking if I will continue to stay or start my journey again to finally join a church where I can be happy ;)

Some readers might have bad impressions on this but it’s ok coz my objective is just to share the feelings I have right now! And by this time I am fulfilled……….